As sixth year senior Bubba Williams entered the Canfield Administration building to register for graduation he did so with an alluring confidence. Williams had learned a lot in the last twelve semesters but his time had finally come. As he begin filling out his application, however, it finally dawned upon him: in his more than half a decade at Nebraska he had somehow forgotten to select a major.

“Six years goes by in the blink of an eye,” said Williams. “I just never really got around to deciding on a major.”

When Williams enrolled at UNL in 2010 as a general studies major his life was an empty canvas. He had toyed with a few different ideas as to what he wanted to study had but never firmly decided. During his sophomore year he had nearly selected English as a major figuring it would be an easy route to a diploma, after all he already spoke the language fluently. Williams however had a change of heart after being assigned multiple readings and essays in his first composition course.

“English is a pretty misleading name for a major if all you’re going to do is read and write,” said Williams.

Williams then spent his junior years taking courses on agronomy in hopes of one day operating a marijuana farm, but chose to discontinue that plan after he repeatedly failed Plant Science 131.

Despite numerous attempts to reach out to Williams, academic advisor Bill Liam claims he never once met Williams in the six years he attended the university.

“I’ve advised for some failures in my time but Williams tops the list,” said Liam. “I don’t even know why he thinks he’s going to be able to graduate in May, he has less than 50 credit hours under his belt.”

According to Williams his lack of a major stems not from apathy but instead his busy schedule and social life.

“I just got so caught up with lifting weights, partying, and sleeping with beautiful women,” said Williams. “So what if I forgot one little thing along the way.”

Williams’s roommate Billy Sendalar denied Williams’s claims of sleeping with beautiful women, and insisted Williams spent most of his free time playing Call of Duty, masturbating and drinking alone in his bedroom.

After Williams finished filling out his application for graduation he failed to muster up the $25 goddamn dollars required to graduate and decided he’d instead take a few more semesters before heading into the real world.