Local resident Steve Yoaks wondered aloud yesterday where his life had gone wrong while sitting alone at Shuang Cheng Restaurant.

“I just can’t seem to pinpoint exactly when I got to the point where eating alone at a sit-down Chinese Restaurant was an okay way to spend an evening,” Yoaks said to literally no one.

Yoaks continued nattering to himself throughout the meal, trying to locate the exact moment when his life seemed to have crumbled.

“It may have been after I told my girlfriend she could stand to lose about 15 pounds. Or maybe it was when I told my best friend since 5th grade that he had turned into a worthless piece of shit and I wanted nothing to do with him,” Yoaks said in the direction of his Asian-American waitress, who wasn’t listening.

As the evening came to an end, Yoaks seemed to have finally decided on the moment his life truly lost all value.

“It was when I vomited on my co-workers floor. Yeah, that was it–he had finally invited me to a work party, and I just got too drunk and vomited on his couch,” Yoaks said to the cashier who pretended not to understand English.

“Oh, well. Maybe I’ll try to figure out how to fix it tomorrow night when I go to Golden Corral.”