Okay. So ever since Sandy came to town, everyone’s been acting like a little bitch.

Especially when I said that I don’t think the government should be responsible for cleanup. Sorry, I don’t want to be Sandy’s mother and clean up her mess. I have better things to do, like, I don’t know, win a motherfucking presidential election?

Plus, why is everyone all of a sudden upset about Jersey Shore looking like shit?

You’re all Americans, you’ve seen the show, it’s always looked like that. I’m pretty sure Sandy didn’t do any more damage than Snooki.

Everyone just needs to man up for a second. It’s water and a little wind.

IT’S FINE. You guys need to be more like the homeless folks; they’re grateful that they got a decent shower for the first time since they dropped out of rehab – again.

The East Coast got a much needed cleaning, too, just like New Orleans.

As for Obama… he’s such a kiss-ass. Being a “big help” and shit. He’s just doing it for the votes, and you’re all totally falling for it. Well, guess what? I bought, like, five thousand bottles of water for victims. Where’s my congratulations? Guess you want the government to congratulate me after they clean up your shit?

Whatever. It’s not about the hurricane; it’s about the election. Sandy is just trying to get into the race and take your attention away from the real priority: me. Why the hell would I take time out of my campaign for a little natural disaster? Ugh, just fucking vote for me so I don’t have to sing again.

Next time, America, handle your own fucking hurricane.