Help, is anyone there? I’ve been stuck in here for three hours.

It’s really dark in here. I’m afraid of the dark. If I get too scared I might have an asthma attack, and my inhaler is in my dorm room.

My friends thought it would be fun if I tried to see how far I could get into the trash chute but then they left once I got all the way in. I’m not sure they’re very good friends, I just met them at the dining hall last week.

I’m kind of worried about this, I’m stuck on the eighth floor and the trash chute goes all the way to the basement. Hopefully there’s something soft at the bottom. It’s going to really suck trying to get to class with two broken legs.

What’s that sound? Is that the door for the ninth floor? Oh, that tastes horrible. Who pours spoiled milk down the garbage chute? Seriously? Was that a beer bottle that hit me in the head?

Someone, anyone, please help. I don’t know how much longer I can hold on here. Anyone, please. The joke’s over, you can all come back now.

If you come help me I promise I won’t spray any more Axe in my room. I’ll give you my campus coupons booklet. I’ll even let you eat the chips I keep hidden under my bed. If you can hear me, please come help.