The Republican Party has been under intense scrutiny the past few months for their refusal to implement stricter gun control into U.S. legislation following several mass shootings. However, some recently uncovered information may just help the argument of Second Amendment supporters.
An anonymous source came forward earlier this week stating that the sacred stone given to Moses atop Mount Sinai actually reads “Thou shalt not kill – unless he is using a legally obtained firearm.”
“Turns out it’s been there the whole time,” local NRA member Dale Greenwich said of the formerly undisclosed exception to God’s commandment. “Guns are our God-given right. The big man upstairs said so himself.”
While many gun control supporters cite the Second Amendment’s specification that the right to bear arms belongs to a “well-regulated Militia” as an argument against lax gun control, rifle enthusiasts can now counter these objections with the ultimate technicality: God’s will.
“These anti-gun libs don’t want to listen to the word of God just because it goes against their leftist agenda,” Greenwich said. “I think all the good Christians understood this all along. Even before it was written in stone, we all kind of knew whoever was exercising his right to murder innocent people with AR-15s was in the clear. And thank God we have good Christians in the White House to defend us.”
While skeptics of all political affiliations have expressed outrage regarding this seemingly fabricated revelation, several conservative Christians point out that an all-knowing God obviously would’ve known about guns centuries before they were invented.
“He knew we were going to need this,” said NRA board member and born-again Christian Thomas Lee. “The true commandment was always there, but it makes sense why God waited until 2018 to reveal it.”
Lee does, however, want to ensure his avid devotion towards firearms doesn’t falsely brand him as a monster.
“Of course, our thoughts and prayers are with all the victims,” Lee said.
Thanks to this ancient law’s modern-day ratification, it appears that gun violence is sure to persist in America for years to come.