Despite years of poor decision making and a relative void of wit, Kevin Teaver is alive.

The former high school classmate is now working for a trucking company in Billings, Montana, according to Teavers’ Facebook profile.

“Oh, no shit?”  said Percy Huffman, a classmate of Teavers. “Definitely would’ve guessed he was dead. I remember him always taking a spray can of Axe and starting fires with it in the gym during junior year.”

Huffman recounted Teavers’ other school antics.

“Back in second grade, he pooped his pants, then reached in and grabbed the poop out in front of us all,” Huffman said. “He then put it in his cubby. I know it’s unfair to judge a second grader harshly, but clearly there was writing on the wall that this kid had a short life in front of him.”

“Then he bought a gun,” Huffman added. “You shouldn’t be able to buy a gun if you pooped and put it in your desk.”

Teavers, 24, was also known for consuming copious amounts of mustard, according to classmates.

“Yeah, we used to call him ‘Mustard Man,’” Jennifer Ronney said. “He just slathered it on whatever we were eating. Sometimes he would squirt it directly into his mouth before eating something to save himself time.”

Ronney said she wasn’t too surprised to find Teavers was still alive.

“We only graduated in 2009,” she said. “A lot of my classmates are still working on their degrees. Kevin can turn this ship around.”