In a move that was greeted by lowered confidence in the housing market and an uptick in interest on his Match.com page, Chairman of the Federal Reserve Ben Bernanke announced that federal interest rates for home loans would be dropped from already historic lows, and that he was ready to begin dating again. The chairman, […] Read more
After an immensely successful 19-year career concluded, many in the basketball world wondered what was left for Shaquille O’Neal to accomplish. A 4-time NBA champion and 15 time All-Star with a platinum rap album to his credit, Shaq continues to make waves in his post-professional career. Above: Can you pick which two players are better […] Read more
Last Tuesday a crane slipped from its drilling holes and almost crashed into the Robert E. Knoll Residential Center, a move that the Daily Nebraskan Editorial Board found completely unacceptable. “It is high time for this crane to step aside and let another take its place,” a staff editorial read. “We understand that the crane […] Read more
The U.S. Federal Appeals Court recently ruled that California’s Proposition 8, defining marriage as between a man and a woman, unconstitutional. The ruling was opposed by all three Republican primary candidates, and here is what they had to say: “Well personally, you know… well, I guess it doesn’t really matter what I think personally, you […] Read more
It is third and long, and Tim Tebow only hears one thing: Go deep, Tim! Ask the Denver Broncos quarterback who this voice belongs to, and he’ll let you know. “It’s the man upstairs,” Tebow states. “He lets me know when to go deep, and when to check down. He really looks out for me.” […] Read more
When I spend $16.40 on pizza, I expect greatness. But every time I call you, you’re pissed off, and I get pissed off that you’re pissed off. All you do is drive around, delivery man. Maybe if you had an eco-friendly car you wouldn’t be pissed off about that two dollar tip. But think about […] Read more
Tensions arose last night when it was revealed that your roommate Jason licked everything in that fridge. Jason, self-described as “kind of like an artist or something,” took the items in your shared refrigerator and ran his halitosis-encrusted tongue across them in an effort to “mark his territory like an alpha wolf.” Your girlfriend Kathryn, […] Read more
Defying the popular notion that the UN is largely useless as an international peace-keeping body, the UN Security Council passed a resolution yesterday condemning the violent crackdown in Slyriah by President Masar al-Ushad. Ban Ki-Moon, the UN Secretary General, praised China and Russia for finally agreeing to a resolution in conjunction with the US and […] Read more
Quite apart from being Second-in-command to the Big Red button, it’s really not bragging to say I’m also an expert in a lot of other stuff. I’ve ridden a lot of trains in my day, for instance. And nothing can really compare with the feeling of sharing one magical, long, lonely ride from DC to […] Read more
During a campaign stop in Brooklyn, New York, Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney decided to evoke an issue that has been so far neglected during the Republican primary: states’ rights. Flanked by Ad-Rock and MCA of the Beastie Boys, a visibly inebriated Romney announced that “it’s time to bring the fight to the PEOPLE. We […] Read more
