So as most of you know, Hilary has been pretty sick this past month. First the exhaustion, then the concussion, then the blood clot . . . it’s been a mess. But she’s spent a lot of time at home recovering, and as you may have noticed at her congressional hearing last week, she’s back to her old fiery self. I’m especially glad to see her up and running and out of the house — as willing as I was to play nurse for weeks on end, it got pretty tiring. Especially because those damn fishnets tended to cut the circulation to my legs.

Hilary and I have been together for a very long time now; we’ve had to work a little harder to keep things spicy, and to keep my wandering dick in my pants. Just kidding. She’d gleefully cut it off if she ever caught me with a secretary again. But in any case, role-playing has become a tried and true way to keep me interested and allow her to forget that she’s still married to me. Ha, ha, totally kidding again. She’s great. We’re in love, guys.

Our usual pairing is helpless milkmaid and wandering shepherd boy, which I enjoy because pigtails really suit my facial structure. We’ve also experimented with Real Estate Defendant/Judge and Cowgirl/Horse, though the latter didn’t work so well because the saddle didn’t sit well over Hil-Hil’s new backbone. But no, I jest — she’s always had me totally whipped. Those headbands she always wore could do some damage.

So as much as I’ve enjoyed playing nurse while my lovely wife recuperates, I think it’ll be good to get back to our normal roles as public figures. Maybe she’ll let me be Nancy Pelosi tonight.