Perhaps one of the traits that endeared me to the Athletic administration is my reserved demeanor. “This department already has enough characters,” I can imagine them saying, “and we don’t need someone who’s going to rock the boat.” That’s where I come in.

You don’t know me, and yet you do know me. I’m your friendly neighborhood Athletic Director: a man who enjoy(ed) long walks on Miami beaches, consulting Tom whenever the fancy strikes me, and winning DIII Football Championships. The simple things, I would say. Or, as our charming football coach here calls them, “doing some good shit.” He talks about bad things, too, something about execution. But let’s not dwell on that.

This city has been so very good to me thus far. The weather is pleasant, as are the people. I also enjoy the lack of debilitating, soul-crushing, department-and-job-killing incoming NCAA sanctions. It’s the little things, truly.

I’m your friend, your colleague, your jovial uncle. I’m a middle-aged white guy in a proverbial sea of middle-aged white people. I don’t have a Wikipedia page, nor a criminal record. I never considered going to Colorado, nor have I even uttered the phrase “SEC.” It’s just not in my nature to stand out like that.

I am Shawn Eichorst, and I am your new Athletic Director. We’re all in this together. Say “hi” if you see me, and I’ll be sure to give you a friendly pat on the back. Calm, cool, and collected, we march forward. Now, where did I leave my Prozac?