Jerry Sandusky, disgraced former assistant football coach at Penn State University, is not allowed to work with children pending charges he molested at least a dozen individuals. Sandusky met the alleged victims through his Second Mile foundation, an athletic organization which provides at-risk youth with positive role models. But luckily for one under-served group, Sandusky’s passion for helping those in need isn’t dampened by accusations he raped a boy.

“I just think, in this economic climate and with all the abuse they suffer, it’s time someone thought about this noble profession. Who’s speaking for the lawyers?” Sandusky asked the press as he announced his project on Monday.

The Second Appeal Foundation will provide members of the Pennsylvania Bar Association with office space, bottomless martinis, and positive development in the legal profession. Ruth Bader Ginsburg, Supreme Court Justice and liberal hack, has agreed to serve as the
foundation’s CEO.

“I just want [lawyers] to be appreciated,” Sandusky insisted when asked about his motivations. “Sure, my own lawyer is terrible and convinced me to do an interview in which I basically admitted to being turned on by kids. But I’m sticking by him. Joe [Amendola] is a very good friend, and I would never dream of using Second Appeal as some sort of sick recruiting tool for his replacement. What is wrong with you people?

“Let’s keep the focus on the lawyers, where it belongs. They’re the ones who are at risk here. I’m really not important.”

State College law student Sam Victorino expressed support for the foundation after his roommate read about it on Twitter.

“That sounds awesome. I’d be happy to hang out and talk about shit with Ruth. And I could totally kick Sandusky’s creepy old ass if he came near mine. Will I get internship credits for this?”