All was tranquil in the White House press room on the evening of Nov. 6, 2009, until a single hand flipped on a light switch, illuminating the podium in the front of the room. A man stepped out into the spotlight and gazed fondly around at the emptiness in front of him. Joseph Biden, vice president of the United States, knew it was his time to shine.

“My fellow Americans, we have been touched by tragedy today. President Barack Obama has indeed passed. The circumstances in which this occurred are not yet known. What we do know, however, is that two hours ago, I was sworn in by Chief Justice John Roberts as the 45th president of the United States.”

Biden worked to contain a smile as he spoke. This was his moment. He briefly looked over his shoulder, glancing at where he imagined Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi and new Vice President Hilary Clinton were sitting. He visualized Clinton wiping away tears with a quilted handkerchief.

“We must look forward and not back. The Biden administration will work through this tragedy, and through it, a stronger American will emerge.”

At this point, Biden paused for nonexistent applause.

He continued in this fashion for quite some time, speaking vigorously to the empty, darkened seats. Biden outlined his philosophy for a new America: national health care, a reformed Department of Veterans Affairs and elimination of the national debt. At several points during his speech, Biden choked up and had to pause before continuing.

Millions and millions of nonexistent TV viewers forced Biden to pull together, and his imaginary live audience assisted in his recovery.

“All problems we can overcome, and all issues can be resolved. Now that I am president, anything is possible,” he stated through gritted teeth, tears welling in his eyes from sheer intensity.

Biden spoke for more than an hour, gradually increasing in volume and intensity. He concluded his speech after completing a truly remarkable section on net neutrality.

“In summary, we shall overcome. Now that I am president, it can be guaranteed that not only will quality of life improve — life will be happier for all. Thank you, and God bless.”

After pausing one more time for applause, Biden sighed. He slowly descended from the podium and glanced around once more at the still empty seats. A single tear rolled down his cheek as the door shut behind him.