Patrons at the Lincoln Art Fair came away much happier than one would assume coming from an art fair. Patrons seemed to be smiling uncontrollably and beaming with delight as they left the middle school gymnasium on Saturday afternoon.

Many patrons said they felt that the art fair confirmed that their decision to give up on their dreams was the right choice.

“Back in the day I wanted to be a music composer,” John Hines, who attended the fair, said. “But instead I went to law school. I used to think about how my life would be different if I’d decided to try my hand at composing, but after seeing all those struggling and depressed middle-aged people trying to show off that crap they call art, I’ll never think about it again.

“Giving up on my dream was the smartest decision I ever made.”

Linda Ward said she actually jumped with glee as she left the gymnasium. As it turns out, Ward used to be a frequent participant in local art fairs before realizing that she really just wasn’t an artist and started concentrating on her career.

Just two years later, Ward said she has already doubled her salary and, more importantly, never has to dream about becoming an artist ever again.

“I used to just sit at my desk during the week, dreaming of being an artist and not having a day job,” Ward said. “But eventually I gave up on ever dreaming of being an artist and started working harder, and I’ve never been happier.

“I just want to hug everyone. Not having dreams is the greatest present a person can give themselves.”

Many of the patrons stuck around to watch the art fair close down, including Ward, who said her favorite part was watching all the art fair patrons silently crying to themselves as they cleaned up and left.

“I remember when no one wanted to buy my paintings of bird houses and cats… I’d pack up all my paintings as tears streamed down my face,” Ward said. “But not anymore.

“That’s for all those sad saps who still have dreams.”