Citing that he really dodged a bullet on this one, avid vaper Kevin Larsen told reporters that his diagnosis of e-cancer was a welcome relief to a highly stressful week.

“I’ve spent the last few days coming in for tests,” Larsen said. “And I was expecting the worst. I know too many people who’ve faced the devastating effects of cancer. I feel very blessed to know that I only have e-cancer. It makes me think someone is looking out for me.”

Larsen said that he was initially drawn to vaping as a way to prove that he was cool, but the added benefit of facing an uphill battle with e-cancer made it too hard to pass up.

“I’ve spent a long time exploring the trendiest ways to make my parents incredibly sad,” Larsen said. “The vaping, and subsequent diagnosis of e-cancer, has allowed me to do that to an extent I never thought possible.”

Dr. Julia Cooper, Larsen’s resident physician, explained that e-cancer is attractive to patients because there is no cooler way to cause friends and family immeasurable amounts of stress and heartache while facing an extreme amount of physical and emotional pain.

“I have mothers and fathers of patients who experience mental breakdowns on a regular basis,” Dr. Cooper said. “It’s highly taxing, but deep down they know that their son or daughter is, simply, way more rad than all of his or her friends. That’s something they can hold dear.”

Sources confirmed that Larsen concluded by expressing his excitement for e-chemotherapy, saying that he “could not wait to tell his girlfriend.”