By Freshman who is barely older than them

Look at those dumb high schoolers walking around with those red folders. They’re so naïve and stupid. I bet walking around this campus makes them feel like hot shot college students. Well let me tell ya, I’m an actual college student here and I know what’s up.

It must be real depressing to still live at home with your parents. I’m totally on my own, living in a dorm in Sandoz doing whatever the hell I want with nobody, save the constant university supervision, to tell me what to do. Last week I snuck a six-pack of Keystone into my room; I bet these losers don’t even know what beer is.

You never fully realize how stupid you were back in high school. My 18th birthday a couple months ago was a real eye opener; I’m an adult now and it’s time to take things seriously. I’m way smarter and more grounded than any of these dumb kids walking around.

I’m doing pretty well now; I’ll probably own this university in a year or two. I just knocked out a college algebra course and aced chem 101 with a C+. Next year I’m gonna be taking a physics class and intro to philosophy. They don’t teach philosophy in your average high school.

The point is, I kinda feel sorry for these dopes. There’s no way they’re prepared for this level of responsibility and maturity that I have right now. And since they’ve all been stuck in high school for the past few years and presumably have had no way to get class credit at UNL, I’m always gonna be ahead of the curve with these jerks.