Once again failing to adequately discern the subtle, nonverbal messages from others, area man Mark Philson reportedly left a party last Friday night having destroyed any remnant of a laidback, tension free social gathering due to his inability to read social cues past a third grade level.

“Hey who wants to bet that these two are gonna hook up tonight?” Philson reportedly asked to an entire room full of people about two specific individuals, both of whom were complete strangers and had only just met the other guests in attendance.

“Oh man, that silence says it all! You two are totally gonna jump each other’s bones!” Philson continued to the horror of many, seeming not to notice the pointed death glares, elbow nudges and the chorus-like “shut the fuck up’s” from a majority of party guests.

After the proceeding thirty minutes of pointed sexual jokes, Philson was asked to leave the party in an attempt to salvage whatever dignity the social gathering had left. “Oh, I gotcha. After party at my place! Everyones invited! Except for those two lovebirds!” Philson yelled as he walked to his car, all the while miming a jerkoff motion until out of the eyesight of everyone in attendance.