Area self-aggrandizer Gideon Morrell walked into the local U-Stop, with arms spread wide as though to emulate Jesus on the cross, in search of a treat to satiate what he described as “a king-sized hunger.”

Eyewitnesses claimed to have seen Morell perusing the candy bars seemingly for hours. During this time, it became increasingly apparent no regular peasant candy bar would do. He needed a king sized Kit-Kat.

“I have the hunger of a king, and no other size of delectable treat shall sate me,” Morell declared to nobody in particular as he tossed the gargantuan chocolate-coated wafer snack on the counter with the flourish of royalty.

After the clerk told Morrell the cost of his midday snack, $1.19, Morrell reportedly scoffed, tossing a satchel filled with an unspecified amount of coins to the gas station attendant.

“I believe this shall cover the cost, my dear lad,” Morell said, not even giving the clerk time to count the coins.

“There should be a little extra in there, please treat yourself to the common man’s Kit-Kat if you must, for you shan’t be breaking off a piece of mine.”

“I need it all, for I am a vastly important man with a mighty hunger,” Morell added before turning on his heels and waltzing out the door, his velvet cape flowing elegantly behind him.

At press time, sources confirmed there was only 43 cents extra in the satchel, not even enough to buy a single Reese’s peanut butter cup.