As of recently, junior botany major Yvonne Manson has become another victim in a judgmental world.

“I used to love going on relaxing walks around campus,” Manson said as she scratched the bulbous growth on her back. “Now, I hate them because I’m being pointed out for my female body in public.”

Last week, Manson decided to stroll from her dorm in Sandoz to the Student Union. As she walked with no cares in the world, her jacket waving in the wind and brushing against the pulsating alien organism on her shoulder, she met opposition. Many male students began to catcall her and focus on her body, which was dressed modestly in a pair of blue jeans and a green jacket, along with a protruding mass made of otherworldly slime stuck just under her shoulder.

“Damn girl, let me get a look at that!” said abrasive pig and junior biology major Ben Sadler. Unbeknownst to Manson, however, Sadler was concerned not with giving unsolicited compliments on her behind, but with giving an unsolicited warning of the bristling mass of green flesh digging microscopic teeth into her back.

For the entire journey, Manson was given no reprieve from mens’ disempowering comments.

“Oh my God, Jesus, I need to check that out,” another man said lasciviously, according to Manson.  “Seriously, I’m medically trained. I should look at that.”

Luckily, plucky Mason showed her aggressors that it’s not okay to act in such a sexist way.

“Leave me alone! I’m just a woman walking down the sidewalk, not a piece of meat!” Manson said defiantly, as the growing malevolent mass on her shoulder fed on her like a piece of meat.

While Manson had a rough day, and will always be recovering, she believes that she ended the day on a strong note to show those misogynistic animals who’s boss. Even despite the inherent sexism of our culture, she keeps her head held high, or at least as high as she can manage with a deadly parasite rapidly depleting her life energy.