The road to an increased minimum wage in Nebraska was a long one but on November 5th, voters overwhelmingly supported a measure to raise wages to $9 an hour. Supporters hope this will boost Nebraska’s low-wage workers and lead to a stronger state economy.

Dennis Ellison denies that it’s a matter of principle but a matter of getting “absolutely bombed” to a better degree at work.

“Well I sure as hell didn’t vote for it but I won’t turn down that money,” Ellson said. “Heck, called my boy Travis right up and broke the good news to him; we smokin’ good in 2015 and even slightly better in 2016.”

Ellison has faced criticism for refusing to elevate his position or circulate any of the planned increase into the state economy. When reminded that his dopeman would eventually spend this money locally, Ellison adamantly shook his head.

“The crazy sum-bitch eats currency,” he said. “Money circulation ends with him.”

There are rumors that Gail, Dennis’s co-worker and hard-working single mother, will be helped immensely by the wage increase.

Ellison promised the DailyER that with his proposed 24% increase in flubbed McChicken orders, 2016 Gail will be more even more underpaid than 2014 Gail.