It’s no secret many students will complain about their classes’ inconvenient locations. However, not many students have drawn the short end of the stick like the Criminal Justice students at the top of the now labyrinthian Nebraska Hall.

The recently reopened building, in dire need of renovation in recent years, was the focus of a budget-straining move to convert all 5 floors of the building into a “non-euclidian hell-maze” in the summer of 2020. This decision was intended to save on total building costs by having a theoretically infinite number of classrooms inside the building, on top of renovating the interior.

However, this has seemingly affected CJ students the most, whose classes are supposedly deepest in the maze. Interviews were conducted with CJ students leaving the building, who told harrowing tales of running, fighting, and surviving in order to end up in the right classes at the department. All reported wandering an endless maze of hallways and classrooms, either in groups or alone, and getting lost for as long as hours, even days before finding their respective class before it starts.

“I don’t ever remember this building being so big on the inside.” said one anonymous junior. “It’s all about getting in (the elevator)… You find the elevator, you’re home free.” another student chimed in. “I couldn’t tell you how you’re supposed to get to the school. We just travel in packs to hopefully end up at the right place.” said an exhausted senior.

Most interestingly, a student with torn up and blood-stained clothing shuffled out, and when asked about his appearance, he had this to say: “Dude, I think they threw a fucking monster into the building to ‘spice things up’, like this place needed any more bullshit going on.” Several other students corroborated the monster is present.

Calls for UNO’s satellite school at UNL to implement teleportation technology at the entrances to eliminate the problem have grown dramatically. Despite overwhelming student demand, the university has been holding back on such an endeavor, claiming budget concerns, but is taking the situation seriously regardless.