Oh, these old bones of mine!

Ugh! Let me get myself standing before I talk to you. Guh! Heh, guess I’m not the whippersnapper you see in the old photos anymore. Getting old is rough, let me tell you.

But don’t say an old dog can’t learn a new trick or two. Harold told me the pharmacy sells a miracle cream. It’s called Icy Hot.

You put it on the parts that hurt and it’ll get them purring! Icy to numb the pain, then hot to melt it away. It sounds like snakeoil, sure, but I’ll tell you, I’m a believer.

Remember those old ads where the kids would say, “More Ovaltine, please!” That’s what I’m saying now. But instead of Ovaltine, it’s with Icy Hot.

More Icy Hot, please!

Heh, this joke of mine. It goes over great during meetings with the men down at the VA hospital. Something tells me, though, that I’m not going to need many more visits to the doctor.

I’ll put it everywhere! On the thighs, on the elbows, even the neck if I feel so inclined. It keeps me limber and smooth, like a dancer. Hell, I might break out a few moves if you give me enough of that God sauce. I can do anything now! 75 feels like the new 55!

So, more Icy Hot please!