Late Friday evening, one of Lincoln’s most admired mud puddles was marred by an unfortunate encounter with a pair of women’s Ugg boots as they trampled over the mixture of soil and water.
The owner of the mud puddle, a homeless man by the name of Amos, expressed outrage at the incident.
“Son of a bitch!” Willie exclaimed upon first seeing the footprints left by the infamous footwear. “Do people not understand how nice this puddle of mud was? I can never get the residue left behind from an Ugg boot out of this. It’s permanently ruined.”
Onlookers sympathized with Amos, hoping he will be able to find a new puddle of mud to call home.
“I felt real bad for him,” said one passerby. “We’ve all had things ruined by Ugg boots. Mud puddles, carpets, society, you name it. Hopefully this is a lesson to all that Ugg boots are complete shit.”
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