Following the Republican Party of South Carolina’s decision to designate Newt Gingrich as its choice for President, the United States of America decided it was time to end their relationship with South Carolina.

A letter, written by President Obama, told the people of South Carolina that the nation “can no longer afford to be held back” by their decisions. He went on to say that a string of bad choices by South Carolinians, including “that entire fiasco with former governor Mark Stanford,” finally made the nation realize what a “terrible” relationship this was in the first place.

The move was praised by the entire rest of the nation and brought Obama’s approval rating up to 85 percent.

South Carolina Governor Nikki Haley said she was “saddened” by the decision and said that the nation has yet to even begun to solve its problems yet .

“You think South Carolina was the problem, America? You’ve got another thing coming. Now that we’re gone you’ll realize you’ve still got Alabama, Arkansas and even Mississippi to deal with, and we won’t be there as a buffer,” Haley said.

“You guys don’t even understand what unhealthy is yet.”