The Nebraska Football Hype Train, which was scheduled to run every Saturday for the next three months, officially derailed this weekend.

The miles-long locomotive lost steam and ceased to chug along after repeated, brutal derailments that left its occupants questioning why they had bought seats in the first place.

“Man, what am I supposed to do until next August?” Husker fan Tyler Faucet spouted. “There’s only so many cornfields to aimlessly run around in. I guess I could get a job and do the same thing.”

Authorities looked into the incident only to discover Colorado, Troy, Michigan and Purdue football helmets that had been meticulously jammed into the train’s undercarriage, damaging both the inner-workings of the locomotive and the state of Nebraska’s reputation.

“WE PUT EVERYTHING INTO THIS,” too-passionate fan Sandy La Roux screamed while violently shaking her fist at an accursed sky. “I JUST WANTED TO INVEST MY EMOTIONS INTO THE OUTCOME OF A FOOTBALL GAME. WHY IS THAT SO TERRIBLE?”

The entire state wore black, reflecting not only the disappointing start to the 2018 season, but the fact that so much time had been invested that couldn’t be taken back.

“I just. Ugh,” a teary-eyed Rachel Overstreet said before heading back to her dorm at UNL. “It’s hard when football is the entirety of your college experience. I just wish they had other things to do here.”