For a limited time only, visitors from all around can mosey on down to Lincoln, Nebraska’s capital, to behold the midwest’s biggest dick! Signs have been spread across bordering states Kansas, South Dakota, Iowa, and Colorado reading: “biggest dick, (insert number) miles away!” Those who have traveled far and wide have witnessed the sheer size of this dick, and with each passing second, it gets bigger! Its shiny, bald head blinds crowds and has them opening their mouths wide, saying “oooooo” and “ahhhhh.” Every one cannot get enough of the midwest’s biggest dick, which can be found at 1425 H Street, near the capitol, the midwest’s second biggest dick! As a matter of fact, landmarks all around the midwest have this phallic feature, including the chode that is Chimney Rock. 

However, the midwest’s biggest dick has been on display in the cornhusker state for over 6 years, and its tenure as the state’s second most well known attraction (behind Carhenge) is “coming” to an end in November. If dicks could talk, this one would say the darndest things about things totally outside of the expertise of dicks. And it would be a dick about it.