Death can be a troubling time for loved ones, and a well-written obituary can be a hard, yet thoughtful way to say goodbye. Fortunately though, the Lincoln Journal Star have solved all your obituary problems by announcing today that they have hired UNL sophomore and “Professional Psychic” Jordan Messersmith to edit the obituary section and guess which individuals are going to die before it actually happens.

While editor Dave Bundy admits that Messersmith may not be the most ideal choice, he hopes the decision will bring good bearing in the future.

“Newspaper media is a dying breed,” stated a hyperbolic Bundy. “In order to remain relevant, we must implore the spirits of the beyond to send us premonitions of deadly events before they even happen.”

Almost everyone in the community has expressed their doubts about the decision, and it has caused quite a debate over the consequences of knowing deaths before they occur.

“Does the prediction count if I volunteer my body for this cause?” asks concerned reader Jim Palmer. “Are they responsible for trying to prevent these awful catastrophes? At what point does it all become a self-fulfilling prophecy? Is it too much to ask just to read some normal news with my coffee every morning without being forced to contemplate my mortality and all these deep metaphysical issues?”

“If my death somehow stumps the psychic, do my children get a ten percent off coupon from the paper?” asks concerned mom Shelly Smith.

Messersmith, who describes his psychic skills as “not bad”, promises he will do his best to serve the community.

“I mean, I’m the one plagued by visions of doom and destruction,” defended Messersmith, “I don’t see what problem all these people have, really.

Still, Messersmith remains undaunted in his commitment to tell the truth about the future as honestly as he can..

“I predicted the Huskers would go undefeated and win the national championship last year. So who’s worried now?”