What’s up, idiots. It’s Troy back at you with some fresh opinions and shit. That’s right, I’m not pulling any punches here. Hope those idiot editors of this shitty paper don’t try to censor me like they did last time, cuz guess what idiots, my dad’s super rich.

Oh, you thought this was an opinion? Think again dummy, this is facts all the way. My dad is super rich, and if you say anything about me his shark lawyers will come for you and your poor ass. Ask my idiot ex-friend Mikey about what happened to his disabled mom. Have fun with poverty, Rebecca.

Yeah, I don’t even know why I write for these dumbos, with their stupid pretentious headlines and jokes. Uppity bastards. I hate writing, always have. My dad told me I should do something for a club, but all the sports kicked me out cuz I fouled out in the first half of every game. Sucks for them, they just don’t know real talent when they see it. Anyways, I saw some stupid ass sign asking if I thought I was funny and at first I was like ‘come at me’ and then I remembered that I’m the king of comedy. All my frat boys say so, even Brett.

So I went to like one stupid meeting and they didn’t like any of my jokes. Classic comedic stuff like pantsing my friend Jeremy, eating ass and, my personal favorite, coitus with your mom. So I told them to shut up and threatened to get my rich dad to shut it down. Now they let me write whatever I want to. Idiots. My dad’s so cool.

Anyways, peace.