“The Revenant” is the hot new award season contender sweeping the country. This period piece stars Leonardo DiCaprio as frontiersman Hugh Glass, who goes on a warpath of revenge after being left for dead in a shallow grave. Tom Hardy, of “Batman” and “Mad Max” fame, plays John Fitzgerald, a scalping survivor who kills DiCaprio’s son. “The Revenant” is a movie of hardship and struggle through a father’s dedication to his son. Director Alejandro Iñárritu’s visual flair will be loved by movie buffs, and the story is proving popular with casual movie goers. Due to its painstaking attention to detail and the hell the actors had to go through for each shot, early award buzz predicts an Oscar sweep. Though I’m sure like most of you, I had one thought in my head while watching the film: this movie needs a gorilla.

I know that those who have seen the movie know exactly what I’m talking about, but stay with me here if you haven’t seen it. Just imagine the wolf of Wall Street wearing furs and sitting around the fire in the woods, chatting with his buddy Bobo in sign language. They could have been talking about 1823’s current events, such as explorer James Weddell’s expedition to Antarctica. Then, Leo would crawl into his pet’s arms and snooze for the night. There would be no reason for that silly horse scene, which seemed pointless in the original movie.

Shit, spoilers, that’s my bad. Shoulda started the article with that… well I’m saying it now, Spoilers.

With that said, just imagine that bear attack with a gorilla involved. That fight was pretty lame anyway. Think about it, the Great Gatsby riding his gorilla friend while hunting for deer when he hears a roar from behind. The gorilla is hit from the side and Leo is thrown to ground. Then the gorilla pins the bear in a headlock and breaks his neck.

Bam. Roll credits. Masterpiece.

Leo, call me. This is how you get your Oscar.