Following the news that Carl Pelini was recently fired from his coaching position at Florida Atlantic University for smoking marijuana, reports have surfaced that a nervous, spacey Bo Pelini has been constantly spraying Febreze all over his own office. UNL’s star quarterback Taylor Martinez so far has been the most vocal about these claims.

“I went to go meet with him in his office, and when I knocked on the door all I heard was this frantic shuffling noise and the sound of an aerosol can being sprayed,” Martinez stated. “I opened the door and just saw Bo sitting at his desk, the whole room smelling like Febreze. He looked kinda worried, maybe even scared. He kept looking around the room and it would take him a few seconds to answer any of my questions.”

When asked to comment on the allegations, Pelini offered little in the way of an answer, often coming off as both dazed and confused.

“Huh? What? Oh, oh, the Febreze thing, yeah yeah okay ummmmm,” Pelini began with a glazed over look in his bloodshot eyes. “Well you see the thing is that…okay let me put it this way, it’s kinda like when you…huh? Oh, you didn’t say anything? My bad. Where was I again?”

When pressed further upon the subject, Pelini became visibly agitated.

“Could you not talk so fast and loud? Because you’re freaking me out. And could we turn down the lights a bit? Because it is like a hundred and fifty degrees up here, seriously. Man I could really use some water right now. And some Doritos. Anybody wanna make a trip to gas station real quick? Nobody? Come on guys my treat.”

The press conference ended soon after, as Pelini began rubbing his hands back and forth on his solid mahogany desk, staring forward blankly save for a faint grin on his mouth.