Yesterday evening, a pedestrian reportedly took fucking forever to cross the street. Sources report that the pedestrian had no respect for any of the motorists selflessly waiting at the intersection of 14th and “O” Street during rush hour, and select motorists took extreme offense.

“He really was just being an asshole for the sake of being an asshole,” I, the sole eyewitness, reported to myself. “This guy took, like, an entire minute to cross a street.”

The soulless bastard with no concern for anyone else’s busy schedule displayed absolutely no remorse for his actions despite the multiple honking of horns he rightfully provoked. The unnamed stranger just kept on walking like he had no care in the world; he also demonstrated zero sense of gratitude for the delightful, god-fearing person that allowed him to cross despite having a green light.

The law allows a few seconds of a grace period after the pedestrian “stop” sign comes on, but it does not allow ignorant people to cross rush hour traffic nearly half a minute after said “stop” signal flashes on.

The inconsiderate pedestrian was reported to be a middle- to older-aged man. He was last seen wearing a bright teal and purple windbreaker and light blue dungarees. He also looked like an asshole. His whereabouts remain unknown, as the sole eyewitness was late for dinner with his grandma at Cheddar’s, her favorite restaurant. That dick.
“I’m sure that young man wasn’t so mean as you say he is,” my grandma erroneously reported once informed of the incident as we ate at Cheddar’s. She is too nice to say anything otherwise.