A recent decision to stop insuring professors was initially met with much controversy, but the conversation has changed with the knowledge that the funds will be funneled back into the Union remodel. Citing the overwhelmingly positive response to the Union 2.0’s chairs, Harvey has announced his incredibly ambitious “10 year chair plan.”

“Okay guys, we all hate professors, right? I mean booooo, professors suck. You know what’s always fun though? Chairs. Chairs won’t ever make you stop playing Flappy Bird and drinking Mt. Dew Baja Blast or a third cool thing that young people do and I also do because I’m hip to youth culture. To keep with the times, I’m pleased to announce that UNL will soon be the first institution with a focus on chair technology, attracting the best and brightest minds in chair design (as long as they don’t ever get sick.)”

Tenured professor Mick Mordeci tried to organize a Union sit-in to protest these changes but was trapped by the centrifugal forces in his spinny chair of choice and has been unable to leave the Union since February.  In the next decade, scientists predict “sitting” will replace “leaning against a pillar with your bae” as the go to method of undergrad relaxation.

Although the Chair Research Department began with some non-starter ideas including “chair made of cigarette butts,” or “ chair that is a gateway into a dimension of Lovecraftian horror” the research team has made some great strides with its new design “spinny but like in 2 directions.”