Danni Baker knows a thing or two about dogs. She volunteered at her local animal shelter all through high school and spent hours grooming her mother’s prize poodle statue. It was a life which did not leave much time for socialization, but Baker never complained. Now, at 24, her hard work has finally paid off.

“I’m just…I can’t even describe the joy I feel at this moment,” Baker told her shampoo bottle as she picked up her pink loofah dog, Mr. Stompy, in one hand and the scrubbie for “Best in Shower” in the other. “We’ve worked so hard together to get to this point. I’d like to thank my mom, my professors, my boss for letting me take Mr. Stompy home when that kid ripped off his right ear…wow. Just wow.”
The awards show tied a record-high zero audience members, though Baker’s cat Scribbles briefly considered waking up and directing disdain in the bathroom’s general vicinity.
Baker is determined not to let her success go to her head. Though the hordes of screaming fans totally standing outside the bathroom—so be careful, Mr. Stompy—might ask her to compromise her beliefs, Baker says she will hold firm and keep her studies in Political Science foremost.

“We can travel the world now, Stomps,” she cried over the applause. “This Best in Shower is the greatest thing to ever happen to us! Mom will finally be proud of—oh crap, is that the electrician already?”