The tour guide leading a group of Red Letter Day prospective students almost stopped to show them Andrews Hall, but realized his mistake and moved on.

“Over here we have Morrill Hall, home to the Museum of Natural History,” said Bill Jackson, who’s been leading student tours since fall 2013, “and right there is Andrews Hall, which, uh, you know what? Never mind.”

Stacie Harden, a senior at Lincoln North Star High School, said she was curious why the tour guide skipped the building that houses the English department, but said it became clear to her almost instantly.

“It seemed like a perfectly normal building, but then I noticed there were all these weird people smoking cigarettes outside every entrance,” Harden said. “At least, I think they were cigarettes.”

Beside having to navigate a gauntlet of smokers, Jackson said the main reason he skipped the building was that it lacked anything even approaching aesthetic appeal, and detracted from some of the University of Nebraska-Lincoln’s more attractive features.

“We’re looking to boost enrollment, not convince these kids that UNO is the right decision after all,” Jackson said.

Jackson’s tour wasn’t the only one to skip Andrews Hall, as a campus-wide email was sent out to all enrollment staff to avoid any mention of the aging, hideous old building so as to not terrify potential enrollees.

“Oh, let’s go check out the College of Business Administration! There are lots of recent renovations in that building, and it even has its own coffee shop,” Jackson said, adding that Andrews Hall does not and will never have its own coffee shop.

As per the campus-wide warning email, Jackson also neglected to mention the UNL Writing Center, a service housed in Andrews Hall that could technically help students with writing for any subject, except no one outside of English majors has ever heard of it.

“You don’t want to be an English major,” said Chancellor Harvey Perlman, “Don’t you read the news? We’re trying to get rid of our tenured faculty, and Andrews Hall is already half adjunct professors.”

“Go study fashion or computer science — anything you want,” Perlman said, adding just, for the love of God, stay away from that hipster hellhole.