“Sometimes, our crusades for divination lead us to strange places,” said Rev. Grant Havel as he walked along a stony road, following the North Star to, literally, God knows where.

Rev. Havel, one of the newest religious nomads following the North Star, hoped to find “something…with God in it or something” as he kept travelling north. Only something as forceful as, say, animalistic bloodlust would prevent him from seeing the latest from the Big Man.

“Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior, has already been born on Christmas, so I shouldn’t really expect a new messiah by the name of Chet or something, unless God is severely uncreative,” Rev. Havel said as he looked up at a star that at least we at the Dailyer think isn’t bright enough to be Jesus’ birthday star. “So, I’m ready to see God’s next hidden miracle, and nothing can stop me.”

Eventually, after walking for an hour while thinking about the Old Testament or something, the reverend’s foot fell through a hole in the ground. Before he could say “God be with me,” a wolverine sprung and began attacking him ferociously.

Rev. Havel was unable to comment or make some sage remark about how God works His Will through all earthly creatures as his abdomen was being slashed by the wolverine. Eventually, the wolverine spit three times, nipped at the reverend’s ankle for the last time and finally urinated on a nearby bush before fleeing into a nearby forest.

The wolverine and possibly its cryptic religious scripture still confuse people who think about it hard enough.

“Maybe God was sending a message to Grant, telling him to be wary of…temptations or…sinful…sins and stuff?” said medical responder Tabatha Briggs, her hands rubbing her chin questioningly for a moment before going back to treating the reverend’s wounds. “Or maybe that…His…word must be feared and transcribed before…an event or something along those lines?”

“The thing is, religion isn’t a science, believe it or not,” Briggs said.