According to a broad formal report released Thursday, there is absolutely no way this is going to be on the final. (Right?)

The sweeping study discovered that there is exactly a zero percent chance that this material will appear on the class’ final, a finding that was discovered with a 0.0 percent margin of error (probably).

Lead author of the study, sophomore chemistry major Anthony Powell, explained that the findings of the study indicated that there was, “like, a zero percent correlation between finals and this topic, bro. None at all.” (I mean, probably not, right?)

Moreover, the study indicated that it was highly unlikely that any of the material contained in this chapter would be included in this class’ final exam. “This ain’t the important stuff. They just throw it in to confuse us, bro,” Powell explained (with dubious accuracy).

The report was able to conclude with absolute certainty that none of the most difficult material from the class’ textbook, class presentations or lectures would appear on the final (yeah, right).

When interviewed about his motivation for conducting the study, Powell explained that his professor, Susan Patterson, was significantly “overhyping” the exam.

“She insists that we need to study for this thing. Nah, bro. There’s no way this sucker is going to be that bad, dude,” reported the lead researcher and educational analyst (and future college dropout).

“There’s no need to worry, y’all. There’s absolutely no chance of this coming back to bite us.” (Right?)