Nebraska Running Backs Coach Ron Brown told reporters yesterday that he was started to have “second thoughts” about the relationship between Christianity and football.

Stating that he never before had trouble noticing the strong correlation between worshipping an all-powerful God and a sport where men violently beat each other and attempt to put an egg-shaped ball into a rectangle on each end of a field, Brown believes that the two may in fact having nothing to do with each other, after all.

“I’ve got no idea where this is coming from, but all of a sudden I’m beginning to notice that there are no similarities at all,” Brown said. “I think I may have been kidding myself into believing that the football field was a place to spread the word of God.”

Many players seemed indifferent to the change, but admitted they’d be happy to just have to hear coach talk about football and not try to turn every game plan into a biblical parable.

“The bible metaphors could get annoying,” Rex Burkehead said. “But it was fun watching Coach Brown and Ameer [Abdullah] going head-to-head in a kind of Islam vs Christianity battle. I’ll miss those for sure.”