As the end of the semester approaches, students are receiving more work and still no more hours in the day. This is causing students to stay up later and later at night, leading to tiredness and exhaustion. Students are turning to dangerous substances to help cope with this tiredness, and the most dangerous of them all is coffee.

Junior Bruce May is worried about his roommate’s usage of coffee. His roommate, mechanical engineering major Ian Richardson, is a coffee addict.

“Ian drinks at least two pots of coffee a day,” May said. “He will wake up and drink a whole pot of coffee before he leaves for class, and when he comes back he starts another pot at 8 at night. Then he stays up and does it all over again. I am worried about him.”

Doctors are recommending that students drink less coffee and pace themselves or, preferably, turn to different substances to stay awake. These doctors are recommending no more than six cups of coffee a day at most, but students like Richardson are drinking upwards of 10 to 15 cups per day.

The president has issued a state of emergency on the usage of coffee in our universities.

“The mood toward coffee is changing in this country and the momentum is with us,” President Trump said. “We’re making no excuses for coffee, espresso, blonde or otherwise. Coffee is bad, and we’re going after it. As I’ve said before, we’ve taken down the surrender flag and run up the battle flag. And we’re going to win the war on coffee.”