Sarah Palin visited the Nebraska town of Norfolk on Saturday afternoon to sign her new book, “America By Heart: Reflections on Family, Faith and Flag.” A well-known advocate of “Small Town USA,” Palin spent much of the day expounding upon the fact that she thoroughly understood the lives of the people living in a town she seemed consistently unable to pronounce.
“Norfoke must be a great place to raise a family,” she was overheard telling a 14-year old girl with younger sister in tow. “I hope you and your husband are very happy here. Does he have to work today?”
Though most citizens of Norfolk appreciated Palin’s stopping by, a few residents expressed doubt about the sincerity of her statements. Jason Long, a small-business owner in downtown Norfolk, wasted no words.
“She keeps talking about how well she understands us, that we’re such great people and obviously intelligent. That’s nice. But I have several issues with this act of hers. One: a bit of research on how to pronounce our town would make her more credible, in my mind. Two: even in small-town Nebraska, her accent sounds stupid. And three: quit talking about bears, Sarah.”
Palin was unfazed by the few retractors. Speaking to reporters and fans as she moved to a new signing location within Norfolk, Palin explained her reasons for stopping in a town many Nebraskans have only half heard of.
“I just want to thank everyone for coming out to meet with me. I personally slaved over the ghost writer who totally didn’t write this book for me. And while I was pretending to write, I thought, ‘Know what? I should go to Norfick. Because those people are Real Americans and I want to get to know them better.’ I’m thinking of stopping over in Beatrice when my next book comes out. Beatrice is such a pretty name, and it’s a small town that I intrinsically understand to boot. How could that possibly be a bad idea, or expose my continual lack of research and basic communicative skills?”
The day ended prematurely when a farmer, fresh from the field and scented with Small Town Corn Whiskey, forced Palin to flee the Walmart where she had set up shop. “I’ve sure had a good time today. Any of you can give me a call if you ever find yourself in Alaska. This is such a great town, this Norfoke. Norfick? Nor – fuck it. I hate all of you. I’m going back to my Fox News set.”
