The race for Nebraska’s Senate has never been longer. Candidates have been working for months, some even years, in preparation for the onslaught 2018 has in store for them.

This year Nebraska’s Senate race is going to span over the 430 miles from east to west.

“We want the fittest candidate in charge of these here parts,” said Nebraska Senate Race chairman Ralph Ebstrung. “So we decided a long time ago that if you wanna run this state, you’ve gotta ‘run’ this state.”

Sen. Deb Fischer alone has spent nearly $1,750,000 on Clif Shot power gel and creatine over the past six years to get in peak physical condition.

“Leave it to the Republican shit-fuck to think cold, hard cash is gonna win this election,” said Democratic candidate Jane Raybould. “I’ve been doing 100 push ups a-fucking-day, and I’m gonna smoke her once that starting gun goes off.”

Clearly, there’s bad blood between the two. So much so, they’ve forgotten they’ll also be competing against Libertarian candidate Jim Schultz. But he doesn’t seem to be too taken aback by the lack of attention.

“They’ve hated each other ever since Fischer took Raybould out to dinner once and made Raybould pay for her own share of the bill. Apparently, after doing so, Fischer looked at Raybould and said, ‘What? Want me to pay for your abortions, too?’” Schultz said. “Quite frankly, I’m glad the two hate each other. They’re gonna be so distracted, lil’ Schultzy’s gonna sneak on in there and win it all.”

Who knows who’s going to take home the prize when the three cross the finish line Nov. 6. But until then, you can count on some intense up-downs, jumping jacks and Fazoli’s carbo-loading from these three.