It seems to me that students have forgotten the benefits of slacking off. When did the time-worn tradition of “get C’s, get degrees” go out of style? I’m tired of my group badgering me to come to class for group projects. It’s worth ten points. I don’t turn in anything worth less than thirty points in, but if you want to put my name on the finished project I’m not going to fight you on it.

I don’t know about you, reader, but I think the alumni of UNL should embrace the lifestyle of the laid-back student.

I don’t think I’m asking for too much here. If everybody took more time to sleep in and watch Netflix we’d be looking at a pretty generous grading curve. Take a tip from me: I have yet to attend a single History of Rock and Roll class and I still pull a solid C+. A C+ is what I call making an effort—I did this all while burning through dozens of pizzas and a majority of the “Community” seasons. It’s an almost completely stress-free method, at least until the possibility of failing a class becomes a morbid reality…but that’s to be expected when living such a lavish lifestyle.

The cornerstone of this lifestyle is cramming. Cramming is an art form for many, but I have brought it down to a science. All-nighters fueled by Red Bull, Snickers, and YouTube have become almost ritualistic to me at this point. If there’s something on the test that you didn’t cram for, just ask the teacher, have no shame! The other students will stare at you and mock you, but they’re just jealous that they can’t swallow their pride and get a free answer. I offer this insight to you because I hope that the try-hards out there will join my ranks and we will together share a much more enjoyable college experience.