This world is full of bleak reminders of the fatal idiocy and ignorance that plague it. Lucky, people have learned how to block out all that white noise.

Skull Candy headphones, once used primarily for listening to The Used if you weren’t one of the sheep, can now be used to drown out this stupid, pointless world.

“Yeah, man, like, screw the system,” said art history major Brad “Anti-Aristotle” Harrington. “I don’t want to listen to how the disgusting pigs are getting richer or the sound of people eating everything that’s fed to them like the goddamn blind beggars that they are. I’m just going to listen to Black Veil Brides or something.”

Jeff Waters, a CEO at Skullcandy headquarters, mentioned how useful the headphones can be when silencing the saccharine bullshit spewed by this sick moronic world.

“It isn’t just about music anymore,” Waters said as he smoked from a cigarette. “It’s about preventing the nauseating ‘things aren’t that bad’ rhetoric and all the ‘you’re screwing up your kid by yelling about the white oligarchical patriarchy, Jeff’ talk from getting to us. Man, it’s pointless trying to polish this turd world. Whenever someone even tries to argue with you or whenever the media doesn’t show how terrible everything is ever, just slap some phones on and blur out the lies.”

Skull Candy recommends users to wear its headphones whenever they go outside, where “the abyss of the human race is masked by the trees and the naïve faces of the masses.” It also recommends users to wear headphones when users when they feel encroached upon by “herd propaganda,” which can include mainstream dribble, brainwashed peons who try to argue with you, and when they feel anything that remotely resembles contentedness towards this stupid planet.