Students at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln were prepared to come to campus in August, visit the Union and enjoy fresh new treats from the Steak ‘n Shake/Chick-fil-A combo that kicked Runza out of its happy home last May.

As anyone can tell from the depressed faces around the food court, this dream has yet to become a reality. The construction of a double kitchen and the scrubbing away of Runza’s happy, greasy memories has led to neither new restaurant being able to open within the proper spot.

Chick-fil-A has taken it upon itself as its God-given duty to make sure Huskers are fed their much-needed waffle fries and chicken sandwiches with a pop-up stand that’s open for lunch. Meanwhile, Steak ‘n Shake is nowhere to be seen.

“The heathens don’t give a shoot,” said Chick-fil-A employee Mary Paulson. “There is no steak being made and no shaking happening anywhere on campus.”

Students are outraged by this mediocrity.

“I went to the Union to eat my feelings,” said junior architecture major Kimberly Sandop. “Desperate times call for desperate measures, so I had to go to the Campus Rec. for Cardio Dance just to remember the goodness of shaking still exists.”

“The times are tough right now,” said Steak ‘n Shake CEO Sardar Biglari. “We just can’t find a moment in the day to remind stressed students that there is joy in the world. To be frank, we didn’t think that was such a big deal.”

“Oh,” Sandop said. “It’s a big deal.”