The world went dark on September 29th, when students all around campus found themselves without wireless internet on campus. Many speculated on what the cause would be of such a conundrum, however only one knows the true answer: Jeffrey Constantine. Jeffrey is an incoming Freshman to the University of Nebraska-Lincoln, and with him came an unparalleled skill for hacking.

This skill translated into his interests, utilizing it to do some research on the recent Area 51 raid. You see, it was reported that the “raid” was peaceful and uneventful. It was found to be a lot less intense than originally predicted, which left some people feeling underwhelmed by the event.

However, Jeffrey knew that there was something fishy about it. The United States had made multiple claims about the event, and the precautions they would take to minimize conflict. They took this event incredibly seriously, so why did it end up being an over hyped joke in the end? Well, according to Jeffrey, it’s because that’s what they want you to think.

“I’m telling you man, I saw it! I almost had the truth! It was all a setup man, we’re being played hard! And I just know the University is in cahoots with the big guys trying to cover it up!” According to Jeffrey, the University cut the Wi-Fi in order to suppress the truth from being revealed to the world: the truth that everyone that went to the Area 51 raid … actually perished!

That’s right, it’s been one huge cover-up! They perished, and now their assigned FBI agents are pulling the strings from behind the curtain to convince us otherwise! Quick, go tell your family, tell your friends! It’s only a matter of time before they come after-