Earlier this week, construction workers excavating the future College of Business-Administration building  made a shocking discovery when a stray jackhammer struck the ground, allowing oil to shoot up into the sky.

Jumpin’ Jericho Jameson, a major Texas oil tycoon and owner of Jameson Oil, expressed his interest in helping the campus with handling the oil.

“Mmm yes, yuh see, this oil will bring plenty of wealth to this great city,” Jameson said. “I just can’t wait to get my hands on that greasy, black – Er, I mean, get it into this here college’s hands.”

Jameson, along with UNL administrators, will be collecting and shipping the oil to various parts of the country.

The University of Nebraska is projecting major profit increases after the discovery of oil. Several operating plants are scheduled to be constructed, bringing in labor from all around the country.

Rufus, a man who traveled with his wife and 11 children to campus, walked all the way from a place called “Oak-Lah-Hoh-Mee” to take advantage of the abundance of jobs to come.

“Crop’s dead,” Rufus said. “Oil sounds good.”

A few camps have been set up around the site, ready to begin work in the multitude of factories that are soon to come.

“I just love helping out my fellow man,” Jameson said, twisting his moustache and laughing heartily. “I’m just an honest, simple country boy who’d love to turn this campus around, mm-yes.”

Current CBA students have until Monday to receive their hard hat and rig assignment before priority registration closes.