After Jeb Bush’s disappointing announcement of his campaign’s suspension, Donald Trump has been searching desperately to find a new punching bag. It seems Governor Pete Ricketts is just what Trump was looking for, following the intercept of a private e-mail from Trump to the governor. The email reads:

TO: Pete Rickets babywarbucks1964@aol.com

Cc: Jeb Bush RealJebBush940359958@jeb-bush-yes-this-is-the-real-jeb-bush.org

Ricketts: I know you’ve been talking shit behind my back, personally donating millions of dollars against my cause and acting like you’re better than me. You better watch your back you little shit. I’m a 6-foot-tall, 285 pound (no body fat) marine who’s been professionally trained to use, and have access to, several different types of assault and sniper rifles. Listen cue ball, if you wanna say something, say it to my face. I’m not scared of you, I have over a billion dollars, a smokin’ hot wife and three pickup trucks. What do you have? The Chicago Cubs? Please, I could buy that team six times over, baldy, so if you think that’s some kind of accomplishment you can go eat six turds. I already ate Jeb this week and after that lil guppy, daddy’s still hungry. Oh, you have a rich dad? Big fuckin’ deal. I have six houses and 450 confirmed kills in Iraq. Jeb was just the beginning; I’m about to wipe you out. You are nothing to me and my wife told me you’re a virgin.

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Clearly, Trump has had enough of Rickett’s insolence and will be doing all he can in the following weeks to destroy Rickett’s budding political career. No matter who wins, we all lose.