Tragic news was recently announced from the Nebraska City Campus Union: the beloved Union Runza will be forced to close after Herbie Husker ate every Runza in the entire state of Nebraska.
General manager of the location Roger Turner confirmed that the location would in fact be shut down due to the beloved Husker mascot’s exorbitant consumption of hot Runza sandwiches.
“It’s unfortunate, but there’s really nothing we can do,” Turner explained. “Runzas are a gift from the Nebraska gods. It’s not like we just make more or anything.”
Staff from The DailyER reached out to Herbie Husker for comment. Herbie, UNL’s game day mascot since 1974, apologized for the incident.
“I was so stressed over my History of Rock midterm,” Herbie explained with a mouth full of Runza french fries. “I traveled all the way from Omaha to Crawford, stress eating Runza after Runza. I didn’t mean to cause such a tragedy.”
Many UNL students were saddened by the incident.
“I don’t know what I’m going to do to satisfy my Runza cravings now,” explained junior psychology major Rachel Powell. “Now what am I supposed to do? Go to Iowa?”
Officials from the UNL Economics Department calculated that Herbie’s mistake cost the state $4.6 million in lost revenue. Though still less costly to the university than the election of Pete Ricketts, department chair Veronica Chavez left no room for confusion regarding the consequences of the mascot’s actions.
“This was a careless and costly mistake on Herbie’s part. The loss of our cherished Runza will negatively affect the Nebraska economy for years to come.”
No word on what will replace the beloved Runza location, although Nebraska Union manager Rick Cummings stressed that there is no chance the new tenant will earn as much of a place in the hearts of Nebraskans as the Runza.
“What can we replace it with that could possibly be more Nebraskan? It’s not like there’s a fast food restaurant that sells steak.”