The University of Nebraska-Lincoln took steps to create a more inclusive campus on Monday as officials introduced meal options that would appeal to students with non-omnivorous diets.

“My department has put extensive research into determining what kinds of diets UNL students are using and how to best bring those to campus,” UNL Nutritional Science Department head Tom McStuffins said between bites of his fifth donut bacon cheeseburger since the interview began. “$1.4 million and three years of research later, and we’ve finally narrowed down two main types of diets: meat eaters, and godless hippies.”

The university released a list detailing menu changes throughout campus following the extensive research. New options include vegan and vegetarian-friendly meal plans, featuring items such as, “animals that only ate vegetarian,” “meat shaped like vegetables” and, “vegan water.”

Citing an increase in urban agriculture and localized farms in the United States, the university also announced plans to introduce greenspaces across campus that promote sustainable food consumption practices, including shared feeding troughs and open grazing fields for students using the “free-range” meal plan.

“Look at them: aren’t they adorable?” said Abel Dining Hall employee Myra Holmes as she scattered seeds for a nearby flock of incoming freshmen to eat. “We know how to take care of our own here at Nebraska; we raise them right!”

An additional announcement sent out to all UNL students said there was no need for concern after a recent, sudden influx of sleeping stalls, barbed-wire fencing and ranch hands around campus.

“Now stop asking questions, finish your plate, get to class and Go Big Red!” the announcement concluded.