By Jim Walton

Recently I was watching a documentary about how half of the world’s population makes less than two dollars a day. This made me very angry.

How can people be so stupid?

I mean, making money isn’t that hard. All you have to do is wait until your dad dies and then inherit the billions of dollars he has in Wal-Mart stock. I mean c’mon people, get with the program.

Can you believe that the makers of that documentary wanted me to send them money? I’m not going to give my money away to people who aren’t even smart enough to inherit it all!

And even if your parents aren’t dead yet, why don’t you just go ask them for money? I know they have billions of dollars just lying around.

People are just really lazy these days, I guess. More willing to starve to death than just go and ask their parents for money. I never thought of myself as that hard of a worker but, hell, I guess I am.

Man, that documentary really made me feel good about myself. I always had this fear that maybe I wasn’t that smart or hard-working because really, I haven’t done anything. I just take my dad’s money and spend it, but if half the world’s population can’t even do that, I must be smarter and more hard-working than I ever thought.

In some ways you have to hand it to these poor saps though. They are so willing to not do anything at all, even just going to their parents 100 million dollar mansion and asking for a couple million dollars. They are really sticking to their principles, they don’t want to work and they won’t.

I respect them, but I still think they’re idiots.