Erik Mellgren is in an abusive relationship. For five years now, he has been beaten, battered, and abused. His mistress? Cornhusker Men’s Basketball. “All I’ve wanted for these long five years is for the pain to stop,” a sobbing Mellgren said. “How can they continue to string me along like this? I just want some […] Read more
As Transformers 3: The Dark of the Moon’s release date fast approaches, some directors would be worried. Not Michael Bay. The famed director of “Bad Boys II” and “The Rock” assured reporters late Monday that the film is nearly complete, and will easily make its release date of July 1. “The filming just wrapped up, […] Read more
After a long and difficult journey, a new man has risen to the proverbial challenge. Photo illustration by Dylan Bliss. In his acceptance speech, the new president-elect for the Association for the Students of the University of Nebraska spoke of how very humbled he was to have received this great honor. “It is a distinct […] Read more
Story by Grace Mortensen Immigration and Customs Enforcement is beginning to crack down on many restaurants. This past month, ICE officials investigated illegal employment in Chipotle restaurants across the United States. Recently, the government organization that controls illegal immigrant activities, among other things, raided two Chipotle locations in Lincoln. “I came into work and was […] Read more
Vice President Joe Biden addressed the nation last week on how the United States will handle protests in Libya. Biden’s track record with public addresses has typically been fairly poor, either due to made-up words or outrageous claims. As Secretary of State Hilary Clinton said, “Biden typically makes an ass out of himself.” This time, […] Read more
McDonald’s restaurant CEO Roy Wadinger unveiled the new name of the restaurant’s trademark kids’ meal last Friday, saying the name is more realistic for the customers purchasing the meal. The Happy Meal, which has been a McDonald’s staple since 1979 and has gone through only minor changes since, will now be listed on the menu […] Read more
The Boston Celtics traded Kevin Garnett’s immediate family to the Oklahoma City Thunder yesterday in a blockbuster deal that included Kevin Durant’s mother, grandmother and niece, plus Paul Pierce’s younger mistress. “It is our belief that Garnett’s family was really becoming a hindurance to the team. He even told coach Rivers one time that his […] Read more
As a collective listening community, we seldom acknowledge the fact that the attention and imposition we offer to our favorite artists can often have a great impact on their work. Remaining humble and maintaining a healthy artistic process can seem unnatural in the spotlight. Luckily, a few artists are mature enough in their passion to […] Read more
As I sit in line behind all the other dead mice waiting to see if they are going to mouse heaven or mouse hell, I have been contemplating what my life meant. I realized the way I died, trying to eat a piece of perfectly aged extra-sharp cheddar cheese while a fast-moving piece of metal […] Read more
Students clashed with campus security forces Sunday during protests against the administration of ASUN President Justin Solomon. Hundreds gathered in the Union to demonstrate against Solomon, who has held office for just under one year. According to sophomore art history major Nikki Stoops, the students of UNL were simply fed up with the “despotic regime.” […] Read more
