As a collective listening community, we seldom acknowledge the fact that the attention and imposition we offer to our favorite artists can often have a great impact on their work. Remaining humble and maintaining a healthy artistic process can seem unnatural in the spotlight. Luckily, a few artists are mature enough in their passion to […] Read more
Long time “friends with benefits” Dean Welton and Sherry Rogers have each had a fairly successful record of loveless hook-ups and booty calls in the past few years. But yesterday, Welton reported that he was once again experiencing the highly volatile situation that occurs annually at this time of year — Valentine’s Day. While couples […] Read more
Fred Williams, a senior broadcasting major at UNL, has an incredibly moderate talent. Ever since the ninth grade, Fred’s voice has been recognized among his peers as “really good” or, every once in a while, “booming.” This unwieldy amassment of praise has led Fred to pursue a career in broadcasting and radio. Left: Fred Williams […] Read more
Recent reports that entire flocks of birds and schools of fish are dying of unnatural causes have finally been explained. A press release from Captain Planet’s representatives contains a confession outlining the hero’s recent drug and alcohol abuse. Mr. Planet apologized at length using several earth puns, and has promised to go straight into rehab. […] Read more
Ever since eighth grade, Jason Taylor said he has felt comfortable removing his shirt in almost any public situation. Now a junior agricultural business major at UNL, Taylor’s bare-chestedness has begun to serve as a discomfort for many fellow students. “He doesn’t even drink that often. It’s not like he’s tearing it off in celebration […] Read more
Matthew Pickett, author of several volumes of the universally acclaimed series of reference books entitled “Popular Belief”, levied several complaints in this week’s press conference concerning the public outcry to illegitamize the theories presented throughout his body of work. The wealth of information offered in these volumes outlines issues regarding everything from “how many pounds […] Read more
Exotic dancer Amber Horton, 24, has recently retired from a long career at Lincoln’s most illustrious gentlemen’s club, Shakers. Photo illustration by Dylan Bliss. Horton thoroughly explained the rocky transition from psuedo-starlet to retiree, “At this age, you have to take inventory and plan for the future. I’ve got an entire chest full of ones […] Read more
In the past few months, American political activists have been focusing strongly on upholding every facet of the US Constitution. This week’s shooter at the University of Texas was reportedly just a Tea Party member wielding a large hot dog gun loaded with xeroxed copies of the Bill of Rights. Absolutely every individual holding some […] Read more
In America, wherever there is a demand to be met, often times a tactful and money-minded individual will take action to fill the economic void. Josh Peterson, an ambitious young business major here at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln noticed an extreme shortage of sleeves present on the T-shirts of many men and women participating in […] Read more
This week, the construction of the Middle East’s very first Evangelical Lutheran Church/daycare center was finally complete. Above: A welcome erection. Photo illustration by Dylan Bliss. “We’re still looking for someone to play the keyboard in the praise band, but things are really starting to shape up over here,” says Senior Pastor Hank Petersen. Upon […] Read more
