All posts by: Mitch McCann

Board Of Regents Blows Off Steam With Pillow Fight In Emptied Classics Department

  After long deliberations about the University of Nebraska at Lincoln’s current budget, the school’s Board of Regents reached a finalized proposal earlier this week. The proposal, which includes deep cuts to several of UNL’s academic programs and non-tenured staff positions, has been met with some controversy. In response to some of the concerns raised […] Read more

Sarah McLachlan’s Voice Linked To Sad Pet Syndrome

Following reports of a severe spike in depressed pets during the last year, researchers at the University of California – Santa Cruz found a surprising correlation between a rare, little-investigated disorder among Midwestern pets and a certain American Society for Prevention of Cruelty to Animals (ASPCA)-sponsored commercial featuring popular 1990’s recording artist Sarah McLachlan. The […] Read more

Phoenix University Grants Student Medical License With Purchase Of “Scrubs: The Complete Series”

Local sources stumbled upon a hot story earlier this week when Phoenix University, a nationwide internet-based university, announced its merger with popular online shopping powerhouse Amazon.com. Phoenix has reportedly begun offering current and incoming students the opportunity to expedite their medical degree process by providing undergraduates a printable, Phoenix-certified ‘ready-to-frame’ license when they purchase the […] Read more

GOP Policy Of “La La La La, I Can’t Hear You!” Continues

Alan Graison, Republican Senator from North Carolina, said he prides himself on “fighting the good fight for America.” Graison is responsible for legislation in his home state of North Carolina preventing residents from driving go-carts under the influence of methamphetamines, an issue responsible for approximately 24% of fatal accidents in North Carolina, until the bill […] Read more